so. a very close friend of mine died by suicide -- and i just realised this a year later, through a series of convoluted events. even so -- i found her online bereavement notice and realised that the "condolence" messages that remained online...were from a group of people who did not know her struggle intimately. I suppose i walked with her during a terrible part of her recovery and subsequent report (something something abuse something), and she dropped off for a bit in 2020. I just. Don't know how to respond. I can think of the systemic failures, but she was working with me on that, for a while. She was so, so, brilliant. It's just really tough, i think, in general. we're no longer in the same circles, so i feel tempted to reach out to people that knew the both of us, and yet i am also carrying three years worth of really bad stories about her recovery and -- well. But I also don't wanna talk to the people of my past again, either. Where do I put this grief down? Buddy, I'm so sorry.